I have eczema. At least, that’s what the prescription says.

It’s a skin condition that weakens the skin barrier, leaving the skin severely dry, cracked, and fragile. Even minor friction, stretching, or scratching can make the skin tear or split open.

I have it on my right hand and left foot. It’s getting worse, now affecting four fingers on my right hand and three toes on my left foot. They ache and split open often, leaving me with constant, dull pain. I should moisturize my skin regularly to keep it under control. But I don’t. Nor do I take any medication to treat it.

Why?

Is it because constantly living with pain gives me a strange sense of validation? The same kind of validation that running gives me?

Or is it because I find relief in having something that resembles the monster I really am?